


My Light

by tinyginger



Series: The Light of the BAU [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Autistic Spencer Reid, Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Child Neglect, Child Prodigy, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Comfort, Cute, Cute Kids, Dark Past, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Spencer Reid, Kidnapped Spencer Reid, M/M, Mpreg, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Spencer Reid, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Ethan/Spencer, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnant Spencer Reid, Protective Derek Morgan, Protective Team, Sad Spencer Reid, Self-Worth Issues, Single Father Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid is a good dad, Spencer Reid is not the virgin everyone thinks he is, Spencer has a kid, Team as Family, The Team takes care of Reid, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Young Spencer Reid, baby brother Spencer, gifted child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22209478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyginger/pseuds/tinyginger
Summary: The BAU is getting a new member. Gideon is mentoring Reid while he breezes through the academy and is on the fast track to becoming a valuable member of the BAU.Spencer is more than excited for this new chapter in his life. After a hard year of institutionalizing his mother and having his best friend and roommate leave in the middle of the night, Gideon recruiting him to train to be part of the BAU is a gift. After a little hesitation and worry about joining the team, Reid find's he is a welcomed addition and a useful one.He hits a little bump in the road on the way to becoming SSA Dr. Spencer Reid with the BAU and becomes  SSA Single Father Dr. Spencer Reid with the BAU.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid, Ethan & Spencer Reid, Ethan/Spencer Reid, Jason Gideon & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Derek Morgan, Penelope Garcia & Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & The BAU Team
Series: The Light of the BAU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1598725
Comments: 48
Kudos: 279





	1. A Fetus isn't a Tumor

**Author's Note:**

> Spencer is just a bit younger in this (almost 20). He is in the process of becoming an agent and is training under Gideon so he can join the BAU. 
> 
> Pre 01x01 :)

“Spence? Are you alright?” JJ asked from where she sat across from the trainee agent on the jet. 

“I actually feel kind of sick.” Spencer started to stand. “Excuse me for a moment.” 

He politely excused himself from the conversation and calmly walked to the bathroom of the plane. JJ watched the time as she waited for him to come back. No one else on the plane noticed what was happening. Hotch and Gideon were on the other end of the plane talking about something. And Morgan was lounging on the couch with his headphones on. 

When he didn’t return after five minutes, JJ started to worry more. She fidgeted in her seat, wanting to go help him or check on him, but also wanting to give him some privacy. 

When he didn’t return after eight minutes JJ stood from her seat and walked to the small bathroom. She stood outside for a moment, not hearing anything. She wasn’t sure if the silence was comforting or made everything worse. 

She took a breath and knocked softly on the door, “Spence? You okay in there?” 

“I’m fine.” Spencer said through the door, but he sounded off. 

“Open the door.” JJ told him. “Unlock it Spence.” 

Spencer smirked at how her voice changed to her “mother” tone. It was the voice she used with him and Morgan when they were bickering and the voice she used with adolescent unsubs. It was hard to disobey her when she used that voice. 

Spencer reluctantly unlocked the door and opened it, letting JJ open it the rest of the way. At first her eyes searched him. Then her hand moved to his forehead, then his cheek. 

“You okay?” JJ asked still holding his face in her hand. 

Spencer nodded, “Just nauseous.”

This made JJ frown, “Did you get sick?”

“A little…” Spencer didn’t have much in his stomach to vomit out so it had really just been six minutes of him dry heaving over the plane toilet.

“Are you in pain?” 

“My stomach hurts.” Spencer admitted, the heaving was pretty violent. 

“What kind if hurt? Is it your appendix?” JJ started to worry again.

Spencer could tell she was getting worried because of the way her eyes became wider and wetter. 

“No.” Spencer shook his head, “I think the muscles are sore from the uh… heaving?”

“Oh…” JJ nodded. “Here rinse your mouth out.” 

She handed him a plastic up and rubbed his back while he rinsed his mouth out in the sink. She then took him by the arm and led him over to the couch. 

“Morgan.” JJ nudged his leg to get his attention. 

“What?” Morgan opened his eyes and looked at the two youngest members of the team. “You don’t look too good kid.” 

Spencer sighed, “I feel kind of sick.” 

“I want him to lay down, can you move over?” JJ requested. 

Morgan nodded and moved to the end of the couch. He watched as JJ helped the young man get settled on the couch. He couldn’t help but notice the way Reid kept one arm tight around his stomach and the way he'd squeeze his eyes shut when his body protested a movement he made. 

Morgan watched as the kid settled on the couch, tugging the blacket JJ had draped over his legs up to his chest and hugging it tight against him as he clutched his stomach. He reached over and patted the young man’s leg, hoping to comfort the kid. Out of the corner of his eye, Morgan saw Gideon study the young man he was training. 

“You okay Spencer?” Gideon asked from where he sat with Hotch. 

“Yep.” Spencer didn’t open his eyes.

“That’s reassuring.” Morgan chuckled. 

Spencer sighed, “I’m fine, leave me alone.” 

JJ gave Spencer a ride back to the office once they got off the plane. He was groggy most of the ride. He didn’t say much and he was even paler than he had been on the plane. 

“I think this is a silent migraine.” Spencer spoke suddenly. 

“Okay?” JJ glanced over at him. “ do you get these often?”

Spencer shook his head. “I usually get regular migraines… but I have had a silent migraine a few times. The symptoms fit.” 

“Alright, Reid M.D., how do we make you better?” JJ asked. 

Spencer rolled his eyes but sighed, “It'll go away.” 

JJ frowned, “Oh.” 

“I’m fine JJ.” Spencer told her and sent her a smile for good measure. “Don’t worry.”

JJ just shook her head and sighed, “I’m gonna worry about you Spence… are you going to be okay to finish the day? I could take you home if you want.”

Spencer shook his head, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. The worst that is going to happen is I’ll puke again. Besides, I have to attend a lecture at the academy later today.”

She squinted at him but didn’t press the issue. 

The rest of the day was devoted to paperwork and filling out reports. Spencer was okay for the most part, there were a few times where he rushed off to the restroom or had to put his head down on his desk when the room started spinning too fast, but other than that he was okay. JJ worried about him when he stood to follow Gideon to his car so they could go to the academy together, but he had to sit back down because he was too dizzy when he stood. 

That’s how the rest of the week went. Spencer would seem fine one moment and the next he was excusing himself to go puke or sit down until the dizziness passed. He would be sick on the plane and end up laying on the couch holding his stomach for most of the ride. 

When the symptoms continued well into a second week JJ started pestering him more about what was going on. She offered to take him to the doctor, get him some medication, have him over so she could take care of him. He would smile and blush but decline and tell her “I’m fine”. 

Then, when they continued into a third week, everyone was begging him to tell them what was going on. If he was being honest with himself, he would have told them that he had no clue and he was scared to find out. But he kept replying to their concern with “I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

It wasn’t until he fainted at his apartment one night after work that he considered calling someone for help. 

He had felt insanely nauseous on the Metro, he had nothing in his stomach and refused to puke on the train so he stood against a handrail keeping his eyes shut. By the time he was to his building he was stumbling. He dreaded the climb up the stairs, wishing deeply his building had a working elevator. 

HIs vision started to blur after a few steps, but he willed himself to keep conscious until in his apartment. It was easier said than done. By the time he reached his door everything was grey and felt there was cups over both his ears. Shaky hands struggled to get the key in the lock. 

The door clicked when the key slid into the lock. 

“Finally.” Spencer mumbled, opening the door and letting it swing shut behind him. 

The victory of getting into his apartment safely was short lived. He staggered away from the door, his chest tightened, limbs grew heavier, head spun, and everything went dark. 

He woke up on his side, his head throbbing. He sat up slowly, wincing as the movement made the dizziness worse. Spencer reached up slowly and touched his forehead, his fingers coming away bloody. 

Slowly and carefully, he stood and walked over to sit on his couch, pulling out his phone and dialling Gideon’s number. It didn’t take long for the older agent to answer. 

“Reid?” Gideon asked confused, “What’s wrong?”

“Can you come pick me up?” Spencer whispered. “I think I need to go to the doctor.”

“I’ll be right there, just sit tight.” Gideon said as he gathered his keys and got into this car. 

The first thing he noticed when he walked into Spencer’s apartment was that Spencer was still in the same clothes he was wearing at work. The second thing was the small stream of blood dripping from a gash on his forehead. 

“You’re bleeding.” Gideon told the young man. 

“I hit my head.” 

“Can you stand?” Gideon asked, speaking to Spencer as if he was a battered victim. 

Spencer nodded. 

“Go put on sweatpants and a t-shirt.” Gideon told him. “You’ll be more comfortable.”

Spencer nodded and stood on shaky legs. Gideon watched as the young man made his way into his bedroom. He didn’t bother closing the door. He gathered his sweats and a t-shirt then walked into his bathroom to change. A few moments later he came out and the scene made Gideon smile. He was wearing an oversized t-shirt from MIT and he was holding a CalTech sweatshirt. Gideon actually laughed when he saw that the letters on the leg of his sweatpants spelled “YALE”. 

“I didn’t know you went to Yale.” Gideon said. 

Spencer glanced down at his leg and shrugged, “It was my safety school, I got these on the tour… they fit me now. I’m thinking of getting another degree through one of their programs.” 

Gideon chuckled and put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder, “You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright, put your sweatshirt on, I don’t want you getting the flu on top over whatever else is going on.” Gideon told him in a very fatherly way. 

Spencer did as he was told and grabbed his bag before following Gideon out to his car. The ride to the hospital was quiet. He was nervous, hated hospitals and hated not knowing what was going on with him. 

Gideon stayed with him the whole time they were at the hospital. He could tell how nervous Spencer was. He knew the kid had no doubt diagnosed himself with the worst case scenario.

‘T’is the curse of having a brain like his.’ Gidon thought. 

In the waiting room Spencer sat next to him, reading. Though, Gideon could tell Spencer wasn’t really reading. It was taking him too long to turn the pages and he kept glancing around and running his fingers through his hair. It was a tick Spencer had was he was distressed or upset. 

Gideon decided to let Hotch know what was going on, so he excused himself for a moment, promising he would be right back. Once he was around the corner and out of Spencer’s sight he called Hotch. 

“Hello?”

“Hotch, it’s Gideon.”

“Gideon, do you know what time it is?” Hotch sounded irritated, “Do we have a case?”

“No, I’m at the hospital.” Gideon said he could feel the moment he had Hotch’s full attention. 

“What? Are you okay?” Hotch worried. 

“I’m fine, it’s Reid.” Gideon sighed, “He called an hour ago and sounded weird, he asked if I would come pick him up and take him to the doctor.” 

“Is he alright?” 

“I don’t know, he’s been quiet.” Gideon confessed, “He was bleeding from a cut on his forehead when I got to his apartment. He said he hit his head…”

“Do you think this was the roommate?” Hotch asked. 

“Ethan? I don’t know, he wasn’t there.”

“Is there any other signs of abuse?” Hotch asked. “Other than the cut and the way he’s been acting lately.”

“Not that I can tell.” Gideon sighed, “I should get back to him, he doesn’t want to be alone right now. If we are still here tomorrow…”

“The team isn’t going to take anymore cases until we figure out what is going on with him.” Hotch finished. “Keep me updated, if you’re still at the hospital tomorrow I’m coming by.”

“See you then.” Gideon said then hung up the phone. 

He walked back to where Spencer was sitting and sat down next to him. Spencer subconsciously moved closer to the older man. 

“Why’d you leave?” Spencer asked in a quiet, unsure voice. 

“I had to make a call.” Gideon said. 

“Hotch?”

“Yeah, I called Hotch.” 

The two were quiet after that. Spencer was starting to nod off. He hadn’t been sleeping well and his lack of sleep was catching up to him. His head lolled to the side and rested against Gideon’s shoulder before he snapped his head up. 

“It’s okay.” Gideon said offering his shoulder to the young man. “Get some rest.”

Spencer slowly shifted so he could lean against Gideon comfortably. He then reluctantly rested his head against his shoulder and let out a sigh. Within five minutes he was asleep. 

Gideon wished the kid could have slept longer before they called his name. He gently roused the young man and walked with him to the examination room. After they took his blood pressure and weight, which were both lower than what they would have liked they sat him on a bed and took some blood. 

A few minutes later the doctor came in and greeted him. They talked for a minute before she started the exam. First were the questions. 

“What’s been bothering you?”

“I’ve been extremely nauseous and dizzy lately, my stomach has been hurting, and I fainted earlier this evening.” Spencer answered clinically. 

“Has anything else been bothering you?”

“My head hurts, but I hit it on something when I fainted.” Spencer said. 

The doctor looked over the gash and clicked her tongue. “I don’t think it needs stitches, but I’m going to put some strips on it to keep it closed so it’ll heal nicely.”

Spencer thanked her. 

Gideon sat and watched their interactions. The doctor would ask a question and Spencer would answer as if he wasn’t talking about himself, the doctor would smile and nod and move on. Spencer watched her hands every time they came near his body, and would look at his own hands in between times. Only glancing up at her to study her reactions or gage what she was going to do next. 

“Well, I’m just going to wait on the blood test results before we do anymore tests.” The doctor told him. “But, you are slightly dehydrated so I’m going to hook you up to a saline drip. Alright?”

Spencer nodded. 

Gideon could tell Spencer was not thrilled to be hooked up to an IV. The kid looked like he’d rather be facing down an unsub with a rifle trained on his face than be sitting in that bed. So Gideon decided to distract the kid by playing a mental game of chess with him. 

Gideon was two moves away from winning when the doctor came back in. Spencer’s grin left his face as he crumbled in on himself. 

“It’s bad isn’t it?” Spencer asked wringing his hands together as he avoided eye contact. “I’m going to die right? I have a tumor?” 

“No Mr. Reid you-”

“It’s Doctor.” Gideon corrected, it was the first time he spoke to the doctor other than introducing himself. 

“Right, sorry… Dr. Reid… you do not have a tumor. At least not in the traditional sense.” Gideon could hear the attempt at an ill timed joke, he didn’t appreciate it.

“Oh?” Spencer looked up at his doctor. “Then what kind of tumor is it?” 

“Dr. Reid, you’re pregnant.”

“A fetus isn’t a tumor.” Spencer pointed out. 

The lack of reaction was startling to Gideon. The kid didn’t show any sign that he heard what the doctor had just said. 

“I have the test results if you would like to see them?” She offered. 

“I’d appreciate an ultrasound.” Spencer whispered his hands slowly moving to his stomach. “If one is available right now.” 

The doctor nodded, a little confused but left the room telling them she’d be right back with an ultrasound machine and a technician.

“Spencer, you okay?” Gideon asked standing and moving to Spencer’s side.

Spencer nodded and looked up to Gideon with a wide smile, “I’m pregnant.” 

“I heard.” Gideon patted the younger man's back. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Spencer beamed. “Are you… are you going to stay for the ultrasound?”

“Do you want me to?” 

“Yes please.” Spencer looked down at his hands. 

“Then of course I will.” Gideon smiled.

Soon the doctor came back with the machine and asked Spencer to pull his shirt up. He did as he was told and laid back on the bed. His whole body was shaking and he could feel tears welling in his eyes. Gideon saw how nervous the kid was getting and took one of his hands in his own. 

Usually Spencer didn’t like to be touched. But there were certain people in the world who Spencer didn’t mind the contact with, and Gideon was one of those people. So as soon as he took Spencer’s hand in his own, the young man held tight and looked up into Gideon’s eyes. 

“You ready?” Gideon asked with a smile. 

Spencer nodded and looked to the tech who was getting everything ready. Soon his eyes were following the tech’s hand as he moved to place the wand on his stomach. He was stuck watching the wand until Gideon nudged him. 

“Kid, look at the screen” Gideon whispered as he motioned to the grainy screen of the ultrasound. 

“Oh.” Spencer let out a breath as his eyes met the screen. “Wow.”

“Can he get some printouts of that?” Gideon asked the doctor. 

Spencer didn’t hear their conversation, or acknowledge when Gideon wiped the gel off of his stomach, or when Gideon removed the hand that was clutching his shirt to his sternum and moved his shirt back down. Spencer was lost in his brain. He had memorized the ultrasound. He could still see it even without the picture or print out. The fetus- his baby… his baby. 

“Can I take him home?” Gideon asked the doctor.

She nodded, “Once his IV is finished.”

“Thank you.” Gideon told her then moved his attention to Spencer who was still clinging to his hand. “Spencer, you’re going to come stay with me, okay?” 

Spencer nodded. 

Gideon took care of everything. He knew Spencer was processing everything and needed time to be a functioning human genius again. He waited with him while he finished the IV, and walked him out to the car after grabbing some information on OB/GYNs and other things he thought might help Spencer. He then drove the kid to his house and walked him inside. 

“Do you want something to eat?” Gideon asked. 

He got a shrug in response. 

“Okay… when was the last time you ate?” 

“Before.” Spencer mumbled. 

“Before we left the office? Or before we left Miami?” Gideon asked. 

“Miami.” 

“Okay, I’m going to make some food.” Gideon told him. “What do you feel like your stomach can handle?” 

Another shrug. 

“Alright… I’m going to make some toast and soup.” Gideon said. “I want you to at least eat the toast.” 

Spencer nodded. 

While making the food, Gideon called Hotch. 

“Hey, is he alright?” Hotch answered. 

“He’s staying with me.” Gideon said. “We’re both taking a sick day.” 

“I’ll stop by on my way in, I’m leaving in five minutes.” Hotch told him. “Have either of you slept?” 

“He nodded off while in the waiting room...” Gideon sighed, “and was unconscious for a while before he called me. And I had been asleep for maybe two hours before he called.” 

“I’m glad you’re taking a day to sleep.” Hotch said. 

“I don’t know if he’s going to get much sleep.” 

“Why?” Hotch sounded worried. 

“We’ll talk when you get here.” Gideon said. “I’ll have some coffee ready for you.” 

“See you soon.” Hotch said. 

Once he hung up, Gideon went and checked on Spencer. The kid was sitting on the couch, one hand resting on his stomach and the other holding the sonogram he was staring at. 

“You okay kid?” Gideon asked. 

“I can’t believe it.” Spencer mumbled then looked up to Gideon with a huge smile. “I’m going to be a dad!” 

Gideon couldn’t keep the smile from his face and he didn’t want to. He was happy for the young genius and he was glad the kid was so happy about the whole thing. 

“Hotch is stopping by.” Gideon told him. “He wants to check on you.” 

“I’m going to tell him.” Spencer said. “He won’t be mad will he? Do you think he’s going to fire me? I can still do my job! Maybe not go into the field too much but I can still travel and I can still profile. I promise I won’t slack off. I want to be a profiler! Will you still mentor me? I’m so close, I’ve been working really hard and-and I promise this isn’t going to get in the way of that. I promise!”

“Reid, calm down.” Gideon said. “He’s not going to fire you. He’s going to be happy for you. And of course you’re going to be a profiler, and I’m going to be with you every step of the way as your mentor and friend.” 

“But… I just joined the team.” Spencer nearly whispered. “What are they going to think?”

“They are going to be so excited for you.” Gideon told him. “And, they are going to fight over that kid.”

Spencer smiled and looked back at the sonogram. “This is… wow.”

“Food will be ready soon.” Gideon walked out of the living room to give Spencer some privacy with his thoughts. 

Just as they were about finished eating, Hotch started to knock on the front door. Spencer immediately tensed and started to panic at the thought of telling his boss the news. Gideon, however, couldn’t wait for Hotch to find out. He opened the door and saw a worried, well dressed Hotchner standing in front of him. 

“How is he?”

“He’s in the dining room.” Gideon said, watching as Hotch made a b-line for Spencer. 

“He’s not here.” Hotch told Gideon from the kitchen. 

“He probably went to the bathroom, he’ll be out in a moment.” Gideon sighed. “Would you like some coffee?” 

Hotch nodded and took a seat when Gideon motioned for him to. Not too long after Hotch received his coffee, Spencer walked into the room looking paler than he did at breakfast, but not as bad as when Gideon got to his apartment. 

“Sick?” Gideon asked. 

Spencer nodded and looked down at his mismatched sock covered feet, “Guess that last piece of toast was too much.” 

“Well, now we know for next time.” Gideon replied. 

“Good morning, Hotch.” Spencer greeted his boss. “I think Gideon told you I requested a sick day?”

“Yes, and you can take as many as you need.” Hotch stood from his seat and walked over to the young man. “What happened?”

For a moment, Spencer was at a loss of where to begin, then he noticed Hotch was looking at the cut on his forehead. 

“Oh, I fell.” Spencer said simply. 

Hotch raised an eyebrow, “You fell?”

“I fainted.” 

“Why?” 

“I was dehydrated and weak because I hadn’t really been eating because I couldn’t keep anything down.” Spencer explained, “I thought I had a tumor or something.”

“And what did the doctor say?” Hotch asked, masterfully keeping his voice steady even though he could feel the panic rising in his chest. 

“I’m pregnant.” Spencer told him. 

“Reid, you gotta ease into these things?” Gideon chuckled. 

“I’m sorry, you’re what?” Hotch asked in disbelief. 

“Pregnant.” Spencer said again, starting to pull the sonogram out of his pocket. “Do you want to see?”

Hotchner took the sonogram and looked it over. A smile creeping onto his face as he did so. 

“You’re pregnant.” He stated looking back to the youngest member of his team. 

Spencer nodded, “Indeed.”

“Congratulations Reid!” Hotch said pulling him to a rare hug. 

Hotch nearly backed out last minute, remembering Reid’s aversion to physical contact, but when he felt Reid hug back he smiled. The kid was shaking, most likely from nerves, and maybe weakness from just vomiting, but he was also rambling happily to Hotch about how the doctor told him the news and everything that happened after. 

Gideon smiled when Spencer recounted how the older agent had known he was nervous and overwhelmed and had held his hand and did all the talking for him. He also told Hotch how he already loved the baby and how he was so excited to be a dad. Though, in the middle of his happy rambling he started to panic and begged Hotch to let him stay on the team. 

“Whoa, whoa, Reid… I’m not going to kick you off of the team because you’re pregnant.” Hotch assured him. “I will give you time off before and after the birth, but everyone gets that, and you have a guaranteed spot when you come back. You will not be fired, docked pay, kept from joining the BAU or demoted for having a child.”

Spencer nodded. “I can still work.”

“I know.” Hotch nodded. “We can talk about how long your leave will be when you get farther along.”

Spencer nodded again. “When… the team finds out… do you think they will treat me differently?”

“I’m sure they will be concerned for you, and want to protect you.” Hotch said. “But that’s no different than how they are now, and they are going to be excited for you.” 

“Are you going to tell them?” Spencer asked. 

“Do you want me to?” 

Spencer thought a moment then shook his head, “I’d like to do it if that’s okay.”

“That’s perfectly fine.” Hotch smiled. “This is all up to you. Gideon and I are going to help you with whatever we can and whatever you need, and we will give you advice or guidance if you want but you make all the decisions.”

“Thank you…” Spencer looked down at his hands. “I think I’m going to go lay down, I’m tired and kind of dizzy and I’d rather not faint again… I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

Gideon and Hotch exchanged glances but didn’t say anything. 

“The guest room is all set up, you can sleep for as long as you want.” Gideon said. “Let me know if you want or need anything. I’ll wake you for lunch if you’re still sleeping.”

“Thank you.” Spencer whispered and walked down the hallway. 

Once he was gone Hotch turned to Gideon and raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t know.” Gideon shook his head. “He’s still processing?”

“Adjusting?”

“He’s Reid, he’s probably thinking one minillian things and planning for all of the scenarios he’s coming up with.” Gideon sighed, “He got real in his head while we were at the hospital, he wasn’t really responding to anything. It took until we got home for him to say anything.”

“Are you worried?” Hotch asked. 

“No… I just want to keep an eye on him.” Gideon admitted. “He told me when we got back here that he hadn’t eaten since before we left Miami. He’s been trying to eat, but he can’t keep the food down.”

Hotch nodded, “We’re not going to be taking a case today, I could bring you some groceries at lunch.”

“Yeah, that’d be great, he needs saltines and ginger ale.” Gideon said. “Maybe some gatorade too, get his electrolytes up.”

“Right, yogurt?” Hotch added. 

“Yeah, and maybe some juice or caffeine-free tea.” 

“Oh no, he’s going to have to give up coffee.” Hotch sounded genuinely sad for the kid.

“Yeah, that’s not going to be easy for him.” Gideon sighed. “But he’ll do it. I have a feeling he’ll do anything for that kid.”

Hotch nodded in agreement. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

Gideon walked his friend to the door and watched as he drove away. He then cleaned up from their “breakfast” and went to check on Spencer before he going to take a nap himself. Spencer was laying in the middle of the bed, blankets cocooned around him. All Gideon could see was the top of his head and messy hair that covered the pillow. Gideon smiled and shut the door, leaving it opened just a crack in case Spencer needed him. 

As he lay in his own bed his mind started to race. He thought about how he felt when Spencer had called asking him to pick him up and take him to the hospital, his heart simultaneously stopped and sped up at the young man’s request. He thought about arriving at Reid’s apartment and finding him sitting on the couch, staring at nothing, and with blood dripping down his face. He smiled as he mentally patted himself on the back for knowing how to distract the young genius while they waited for the doctor. And he thought about how relieved he was to hear Spencer was going to be okay, and how extremely happy and excited he was for his grandkid… 

Grandkid?

Spencer’s kid.

Spencer was still asleep when Gideon woke up to his phone ringing. Hotch was at the store and wanted to know if he should pick anything else up. Gideon suggested a toothbrush so Spencer would be more comfortable and feel less dirty. He knew how the kid hated feeling unclean. 

After the brief phone call Gideon checked on Spencer then went down to his living room. On the coffee table was the multiple sonograms he had the doctor print out for him. He picked one up and took it to the kitchen. After finding the pen he was looking for he flipped the picture over wrote “Baby Ried” then the date. He let the ink dry before taking it into his study and putting it in the corner of the frame that sat on his desk. In the frame was a picture of himself and Spencer. It was from the day Spencer officially became an FBI agent. It was a good picture that showed how excited Spencer was and how proud Gideon was of him. Spencer was holding his badge proudly and Gideon was holding his own next to Spencer’s. It was a good memory, and now in the corner of that good memory's frame was another good memory. 

Hotch called Gideon instead of knocking on the door or ringing the doorbell, he didn’t want to wake Spencer if he was asleep, which he was. He had picked up everything he and Gideon had talked about and also a baby book for Spencer, knowing the kid would want to read everything he could about babies before his baby was born, though he worried it would make Spencer panic or over think things, so he decided to hold off on giving him the book until Spencer had time to truly process everything. 

“Is the team worried?” Gideon asked as they sat at the table eating lunch. 

“Yeah, they are also pissed I won’t tell them what’s going on.” Hotch said. “I had to talk JJ and Morgan out of going to his apartment to check on him.”

“What did you tell them?” 

“That he was here.” Hotch shrugged. “At least now they know he’s being taken care of. No promises they won’t show up here.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“Did he tell you who the other father is?” Hotch asked. 

“Aaron Hotchner wants gossip, I’m shocked.” Gideon laughed but shook his head, “I don’t know. He hasn’t said anything, but my guess is it’s Ethan.”

“Ethan? As in his roommate Ethan?” Hotch asked. “I guess he’s more than a roommate.” 

Gideon shrugged, “Educated guess.”

Hotch agreed but didn’t say anything else. It was a good thing they stopped talking when they did because five minutes later Spencer walked into the room and quietly greeted both of them. 

He looked less pale, and not as exhausted as before. His hair was messy and he didn’t seem to be fully awake, but Spencer had a smile on his face. Hotch noticed right away that Spencer’s hand had yet to leave his stomach. 

“Reid, you look like a college student who just got home for Thanksgiving break.” Gideon chuckled. 

“I am.” Spencer replied. “Technically, I fit most of the description. I am the age of an average college student, I am enrolled in classes for my bachelor’s program, I am also a cadet and training to work for the BAU, and I am on a medical break even though it’s not Thanksgiving… but you get the picture.”

“I forget how young you are sometimes.” Hotchner admitted. 

“I think that’s a good thing.” Spencer said, taking a seat at the table. “That means I act more mature than the average twenty year old and that also means people will hopefully assume I am older than I really am.”

“Why do you want people to think you are older than you are?” Gideon asked. 

Reid shrugged, “For the same reason you insist on people calling me doctor instead of mister.”

Gideon understood and for the most part and so did Hotchner. 

“The team has been asking about you.” Hotch told him. “They are all worried.”

“Tell them I’m fine and that I don’t want them to worry.” Spencer said. “I’ll be there tomorrow and they can see for themselves that I am fine.”

“Are you going to tell them tomorrow?” Gideon asked. 

“I don’t know… it’s still early in the pregnancy and the possibility of a miscarriage at this time is high, especially for a male.” Spencer recited to them. “Did you know, most males do not usually find out they are pregnant until they are well into their second trimester? And sixtythree present of the number of men who have been pregnant and given birth have been pregnant and had a misscairge and didn’t know it at least two point five times before. I am actually lucky I’m having such a hard first trimester. If I hadn’t have fainted I probably would have miscarried within the next two weeks and never knew.”

“Reid… you’re not going to miscarry.” Hotch said. 

“You don’t know that.” Spencer said his voice taking on a cold tone, which was reassuring for the two older agents who had listened to him reciting facts as if he wasn’t talking about the possibility of his baby dying. “I really hope you’re right, but you don’t know that.”

“I’m sorry.” Hotch said. “I don’t know that, but I know you and I know how strong you are, so I know your baby must be just as strong.”

Spencer smiled but it faltered a bit as he pressed his hand to his stomach, “I don’t want to miscarry.” 

“I think you should tell the team.” Gideon told him. “Even if you do believe there is a possibility you’ll miscarry, the team will want to be there for any and all of it.”

Spencer nodded, “Alright… I’ll tell them tomorrow.” 

With that Gideon got up and went to the kitchen to grab the saltines and ginger ale Hotch had brought. “Here, Hotch picked these up. I think they will help settle your stomach so you can actually eat something.”

“That would be great.” Spencer said. “I feel like I’m starving.”

“You probably are.” Hotch told him. “You’ve been throwing up for almost three weeks now, and it was only getting worse.”

“Now I know why though and it suddenly doesn’t suck so much.” Spencer told them. “I mean I still hate it, but I know the reason… and it’s okay.”

Both agents smiled at him and watched as he apprehensively took a bite of a cracker. He then started to snack more when he found the crackers didn’t upset his stomach and made the burning caused by his stomach acid to subside. 

That night, after work, Hotch stopped by Reid’s apartment and got some clothes for him for the next day. Gideon had convinced him to spend the night and let him drive them both to work the next day. Spencer told him it wasn’t necessary and reminded him that it was thursday so he would have to attend a lecture after lunch. Gideon told him he was in luck because he was heading to a lecture as well and they should just carpool. Spencer had rolled his eyes but accepted the offer and snuggled deeper into the blanket he was wrapped in while laying on Gideon’s couch. 

Hotch brought dinner and Haley with him at Gideon’s request. When they walked into the house Haley noticed Spencer napping on the couch and smiled sadly. 

“He’s too young to be away from his parents.” Haley sighed. “He needs his mother.”

“He never had parents.” Hotch sighed. 

“That’s not true.” Spencer said his eyes still closed. “My mom was okay from some of my youth. She had her lucent moments, she still does.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay.” Spencer opened his eyes and sat up on the couch. “I never had the traditional parents you guys are talking about, and I left for college when I was twelve… so in a way you are correct. But I’m not an orphan.”

Hotch nodded, not wanting to offend the kid anymore. 

“Arron told me you were feeling sick.” Haley said walking over to the couch. “He didn’t tell me what the doctor said though, are you alright?” 

“I’m pregnant.” Spencer smiled. “Do you want to see the sonogram?” 

Haley was surprised but recovered quickly and nodded and cooed at the grainy printout Spencer pulled from his pocket. He pointed out where the fetus was and told her how big it was and gave her the estimate on how far along he is. 

“Congratulations Spencer!” Haley hugged the young man and kissed his cheek. “You’re going to be a great father.” 

Spencer blushed and looked down at the sonogram in his hands, “Thanks… do you- uh… do you guys want a copy? Gideon got a lot of copies and the nurse told me they were for my family when I asked why I needed so many… and Gideon has his, I have mine and one for my mom… so would you guys like one?”

“We’d love one.” Hotch surprised him with the answer. 

Spencer had expected Haley to accept the photo and Hotch to accept it by proxy. But… this was surprising. 

He first handed a sonogram to Haley then looked up to his boss. “Do you want your own?” 

“If you don’t mind.” Hotch smiled. “Haley and I will put one in our house, but I’d like to put one in my office once you tell the team.” 

“Why?” Spencer blurted out before he could think. 

“For the same reason Gideon is putting one in his office at work.” Hotch said. “I care about you, and I’m excited for you to be a dad.” 

“Oh…” Spencer looked to Gideon as he stood and moved to Hotch. “Here.”

“Will you show me where the baby is?” Hotch asked, already seeing the blurry blob, but he enjoyed watching the young man talk about the baby. 

As Hotch intended, Spencer lit up and started rambling happy about the baby. He pointed to different things on the sonogram and spit out facts and stats on babies and pregnancy. Hotch listened intently, asking questions when he had the opportunity and even challenged the kid at some of his facts. Mainly to keep it interesting for Spencer. 

Gideon called everyone to dinner and smiled as he watched Spencer carefully put his “pocket” sonogram back into his sweatpants pocket. Once everyone was sitting at the table Haley started asking questions about Spencer. She had met the kid once or twice. She originally thought the kid was some intern from highschool or his first year of college. She later found out the the was a genius on the fast track to becoming a profiler. 

“So Spencer,” Haley started. “How old are you?”

Spencer sputtered for a moment before looking at Gideon with wide eyes. There was a rule at the office that he didn’t have to answer any questions about his age because he technically wasn’t old enough to be where he was BUT he had some things waived so he could work.

“It’s alright Reid,” Hotch said. “Haley isn’t going to tell the team anything.” 

“I’m uh… almost twenty.” Spencer whispered. 

“So nineteen?” Haley confirmed, no judgment or shock in her voice. “When’s your birthday?” 

“October.” Spencer told her then smiled. “I’ll almost be in the third trimester then.” 

“You know what’s so cool about having your baby right now?” Haley asked. “Because you’re going to be twenty when your baby is born, when he or she is four you’re going to be twenty four, and when you’re thirty he or she will be ten.” 

Spencer smiled and nodded, “I like that.”

The rest of dinner was mainly Haley asking about his education and how his programs are going, and how he’s liking the BAU. 

Haley hugged the young man as they said goodbye and told him he would be coming over for dinner with her and Aaron soon. He agreed after looking to his boss for approval. Hotch then hugged him and they left. 

Spencer stood at the door staring after the couple as they left. 

“You okay?” Gideon asked. 

“They care.” Spencer furrowed her brow. “I get why you care… but…” 

“Spencer? Did you really think they wouldn’t care?” Gideon asked, worried for the boy. 

“No, I just thought they wouldn’t actively care.” Spencer shook his head. “Not like this.” 

“It feels good right?” Gideon smiled. 

“I don’t want it to stop.” Spencer confessed. 

“It won’t.” 

The next morning Spencer walked into the office a step behind Gideon. He was tired and had noticeable bags under his eyes. He didn’t get much sleep and when he did finally get to sleep he woke up sick a few hours later. Gideon has told him he didn’t have to come in today but Spencer told him he was fine and that he couldn’t miss his lecture so he wouldn’t miss work either. 

“There he is.” Morgan said when he saw Spencer going to sit at his desk. “What happened kid?” 

“I fainted.” Spencer said touching his forehead lightly. “Hit my head on the way down.” 

“How bad? Do you have a concussion?” Morgan shooed Spencer’s fingers away so he could look for himself. 

“No, I’m fine. No stitches, just a slight headache.” Spencer told him. “I’m fine.” 

“Why’d you faint?” 

“Dehydration and weakness from lack of sleep and food.” Spencer shrugged. 

“Lunch today?” Morgan asked. 

“I have a lecture I have to attend.” Spencer told him, he could see the disappointment on the older man’s face. “You could pick me up after and we could get food.”

“Greate!” Morgan nodded.

Spencer thought the conversation was over but Morgan stayed by his desk. They weren’t talking so in a way the conversation was over. 

“What’s wrong?” Spencer asked.

Morgan looked like he was contemplating what to say but then someone caught his eye and he changed his mind. “Garcia!”

“187! How are you?” Garcia asked as she rushed over to his desk. “You had us all worried.”

“I’m sorry.” Spencer frowned. “I didn’t realize you’d be worried.”

“Of course we worry.” Garcia shook her head. “Silly, you’re family.”

Spencer looked down, still frowning, more because he was trying to figure something out in his brain. 

“Spence, you okay?” JJ asked. 

Spencer nodded, “ I’m fine.” 

“You sure? You called Gideon to take you to the ER, that doesn’t sound very fine.” JJ said. 

“ER?” Morgan gaped. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“It was two days ago… I’m fine now?” Spencer told them. 

“Why’d you go to Emergency?” Garcia asked. 

“I fainted and hit my head.” Spencer said. “I didn’t feel well and I couldn’t stop thinking about what was going on so I ended up diagnosing myself and I didn’t like what I thought was going on and decided to get a second opinion.”

JJ rolled her eyes and chuckled, “You’re not an MD Spence.” 

“I know,” he sighed. “But I’ve read a lot of medical journals and know enough about biology and anatomy and- I can’t make my mind not recall everything just like I can’t help fearing what my brain comes up with.”

Garcia frowned, “You must have come up with something scary bad if you were worried enough to go to the ER.”

“Yeah, I thought I had a tumor…” 

“You don’t right?” JJ asked with wide eyes. 

“No, I don’t.” Spencer said. “I’m-”

“We have a case.” Hotch said as he walked by his team members, accidentally cutting off Spencer’s reveal. 

Spencer saw everyone still staring at him and he smiled. “I’m fine.”


	2. Someone to Sing to

Luckily the case was local. Spencer had already missed too many lectures and he wanted to work with the team, not just call them. After the briefing, Gideon took two other members of the team, Jameson and Marks, to the crime scene. Leaving Hotch, Morgan and Reid to piece together information they already had and put it into a profile. 

JJ was with Hotch making a strategy for when they talked to the families, Morgan had gone to talk to Garcia, and Reid sat at his desk playing with the phone in his hand as he toyed with the idea of calling Ethan. He knew he needed to, and he knew that if he didn’t do it now he never would. 

He hit the call button and waited for his friend to answer. 

“Hello?”

“It’s me… Spencer.” 

Ethan chuckled, “I know who you are, Genius.”

“How are you?” Spencer asked. 

“I’m better.” Ethan sighed. “Still not great… but I’m working on it.”

“Good.” Spencer nodded, “I uh… I have to tell you something.”

“Are you alright?” Ethan sounded worried. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Spencer replied quickly then saw Morgan walking into the room. “It can wait… if you’re busy.”

“No, tell me.” Ethan insisted. “I’m still here for you, even though I’m no longer physically with you.”

Spencer nodded and made eye contact withMorgan. He took a breath and whispered, “Я беременна.” 

There was a pause on the other end of the phone before Ethan took a shaky breath. “You do know you just said you’re pregnant right?” 

“Yes.” Spencer replied. “I know what I said… and I said it correctly.”

“Oh… are you okay?” Ethan asked. “Do- when did you find out?”

“Couple days ago.” Spencer paused. “Это ваше.”

“It’s mine?” Ethan repeated. “I’m… I’m a father?”

“Well not yet.” Spencer chuckled. “It takes a while.”

“So… you’re keeping it?” Ethan asked reluctantly.

“Yes.” Spencer replied. “But that doesn’t mean-”

“Should I… come back? I can come back and help you.” Ethan started to ramble. “I could- Shit! You’re not going in the field right? You’ve told your boss or Gideon at least right? You need to have people watching out for you, a male pregnancy comes with a lot of risks and we run a high risk of losing the baby. I should- I can- I’ll be on the next flight to you… I’m so-”

“Stop.” Spencer said firmly but quietly, turning in his chair when he saw Morgan’s eyes on him. “You need to stay where you are. I’m fine, you are getting better. I need you to take care of yourself. My bosses know, and I’m not alone. Я могу позаботиться о ребенке. You take care of you.”

“Yeah, I know you can take care of the baby, I just need you to understand you don’t have to do it alone.” Ethan chuckled. “You’ll keep me updated? Call me at least once a week?”

“Sure.”

“Will you send me… the sonogram? When you get one?” Ethan requested. 

“I already did.” Spencer smiled. “It should be there in a few days.”

“Thank you.” Ethan said quietly. “Do you need anything?”

Spencer shook his head, “I think we’re good. I’ll let you know if I think of something though.”

“Good.” Ethan smiled. “When you schedule the next appointment will you let me know? I can plan a visit if it’s alright with you.” 

Spencer bit his lip and asked, “You’ll come with?” 

“Yeah,” Spencer could hear the smile in his friend's voice. “If… you’ll allow me to.” 

“Of course!” His enthusiasm rang through the bullpen causing Morgan to once again look over and study the younger man.

“Then I’ll be there.” Ethan said. “Call me later?”

“I will.” Spencer said. “Bye.”

Once Ethan said his goodbye Spencer hung up and put his phone down. He didn’t even glance at Morgan as he went back to studying the case. After a while JJ and Reid set up the boards and they all started putting up what they already knew. 

As they worked, Reid’s whole focus was on the case. He barely had time to think about the worried glances his team mates were throwing at him or the fact he was starting to feel sick again and his hand had found its way to his stomach. 

When Morgan had had enough and was about to ask the young genius what was wrong, Spencer suddenly stood and rushed out the door. Hotch watched him but didn’t go after him. Morgan scoffed, disappointed in his boss, and walked after his friend. 

He found the young man in the bathroom washing his face with cold water. 

“Hey kid, you okay?” Morgan asked. 

Spencer nodded and wiped his mouth again. “Do you think you could bring me some water?” 

Morgan agreed and rushed out to get some water, pausing outside the door when he saw JJ standing there. “He’s sick.”

JJ had no qualms about entering the boys’ bathroom, so she knocked on the door and softly called for Spencer.

“Yeah, I’m here…” Spencer looked himself over in the mirror and sighed, he looked sick. 

“Oh Spence, what’s going on?” JJ asked, taking in his sick complexion.

“I got sick.” Spencer shrugged. “I’m fine.”

“Do you want me to take you home?” Morgan asked as he rushed back in with the water. 

Spencer took the water and took a few sips before shaking his head. “I’m fine.” 

“You still look green.” JJ pointed out. 

Reid shrugged, “I’m still nauseous.” 

“Let me take you home.” Morgan was almost begging. 

“No, I’m fine.” Reid said again. “I’m only here for half the day anyway. Got a lecture to attend.” 

“You can skip.” Morgan said.

“I cannot.” 

“Spence, you’re already an agent.” JJ said. “Do you really need to go to more lectures?” 

“You could give them yourself by now.” Morgan added.

“I still have to go.” Reid sighed. “I’ve almost completed my case hours, but I’m worried about my credit hours.” 

“So take some time off from cases and just focus on your academy stuff until they give you a badge.” JJ suggested.

“I don’t want to.” Reid sighed. “I like working here.”

Morgan went to say something but Reid cut him off by handing the cup of water back to him and taking a few deep breaths before moving back to the stall. 

“You okay?” Morgan asked. 

“Great.” Reid laughed humorlessly as he gagged. “Why do you ask?” 

“Alright snarky.” Morgan smirked. “You want me to get you anything?” 

“I have some tums at my desk.” JJ offered. 

“No I’m fine.” Reid said. “Go do your work.”

Alone, he was able to work through his discomfort without embarrassment. Spencer never enjoyed being sick, not that many people do, but it was a little different for him. Whenever he was sick, he’d panic, especially as a child. He was better about it now, and because he knew the reason for his illness this time, it was easier to keep his anxieties at bay. 

But there were still the disgusting and unclean aspects of getting sick that made Spencer want to cry. He actively avoided germs in his day to day life, and the act of being sick undid all of that. He was kneeling on the floor of a bathroom, holding onto the porcelain edge, vomiting into the once-a-night cleaned toilet bowl. The thought of all the germs he was in contact with made his skin crawl. 

When his stomach had settled enough for him to safely pull himself away from the toilet bowl, he sat against the far side of the stall and hugged his arms close to his body, his right hand gripping his left shoulder and his left hand gripping his right hip. His eyes shut tight, face scrunched up in a look of pain. He rocked back and forth, gently hitting his back against the wall every other beat and he took shuddering breaths. 

Deep breath…

Deep breath…

Just one more…

His body relaxed and stilled. He opened his eyes and blinked away the stinging tears. With shaky hands and trembling legs he maneuvered himself out of the stall and to the sink. Washing his hands with scalding water and too much soap until he was satisfied with the, more clean than before but less clean than what he wanted, skin on his hands. 

He fixed himself in the mirror, smoothing the creases in his shirt, folding his collar down, buttoning the top few buttons he had undone whilst trying to breath, readjusted his tie… still crooked but less so now, and rinsed his face and mouth. 

Morgan was waiting for him at his desk when he got there.

“I’m fine.” Reid told him before Morgan could even ask. 

“Do you need anything?” 

Spencer shook his head and started back on his work, ignoring the concern gaze Morgan was watching him with. It was easy for him to slip into his work and ignore everything around him. Ideas and theories ran through his mind as he thought about the case. He created profiles the evaluated them and illuminated ones that didn’t make sense. 

He was still deep in thought, when Gideon came over to his desk and put his hand on the younger man’s shoulder. The contact startled Reid, causing him to jump a little, but he smiled when he saw his mentor. 

“Ready to go?” Gideon asked. 

Reid cocked his head and looked at the clock. “We’ll be very early.”

“We’re getting food before.” Gideon told him. 

“Oh, I’m getting food with Morgan later.” 

“Great, so you’ll have another meal.” Gideon smiled. “Let’s go, I’ll let you choose where we eat.”

Spencer hesitated, he was still pretty nauseous.

“I-uh… I’m still full from breakfast.” 

“Kid, you were just sick.” Morgan jumped into their conversation. “You probably don’t have anything in your system.”

“He’s right, Reid.” Gideon gave a pointed look, glancing down to Spencer’s stomach. “You have to start eating more.”

Spencer sucked in a breath and nodded, “Okay.”

“What are you in the mood for?” Gideon asked. 

“Something that won't make me vomit.” Spencer grumbled as he gathered his stuff.

“Sandwich?” Gideon suggested, “Soup?”

Spencer shrugged, “Sure, you choose.”

During his lecture, Spencer had a hard time keeping focused. He knew most of the stuff already, he really just needed to be there to log attendance, something the people who let him join early and kept making exceptions for him were very strict on. Gideon says they’re just trying to cover their asses, letting a kid into the FBI is not something they do lightly and especially when it comes to a division like the BAU. But Hotch has surprised him and told him he really didn’t need the class, and he just needed to show up and log attendance, he could even work on their case during class if he wanted. He usually did. But today he couldn’t. 

His mind raced with too many thoughts and statistics and memories. Too many memories. The first time he actually understood what sex was. The first time he understood that virginity was something that could be taken as well as given. The first time with Ethan. The first time with a boy. The first time with a girl. The difference between the two, both good, both strange. 

Trapped in the memories of his mother and father fighting, always fighting. His mom was too sick to take care of him, and his father was not there. Even when his father was present in their home, he wasn’t there, he wasn’t taking care of Spencer. His father who left him and never looked back. 

He shook his head and looked up to where the older agent was giving a lecture about a case Reid had already read over and asked Gideon too many questions on. It wasn’t going to be stimulating enough to distract him from the harsh memories that were filling his consciousness, threatening to pull him in and drown him in the past. After a steadying breath, he tried to focus on his baby. The fetus that was a combination of his fucked-up DNA and Ethan’s less fucked-up but still pretty fucked-up DNA. A baby that would be perfect because it was his and it could already do nothing wrong. 

“I’m going to be such a pushover.” Spencer mumbled under his breath, looking around to make sure no one was heard him. No one did. He was sitting alone, no one really liked him there. But that wasn’t anything new.

In school, Spencer had never had real friends. The only real friend he had was Ethan, and even then they were frenemies at best, always pitted against each other and competing. Spencer was the youngest at their school, for his whole high school career and Ethan was the second youngest in their graduating class.

They were both “gifted”, Spencer seemingly more so because his mother didn’t think keeping him with kids around his own age was important. She didn’t want to limit him, which is why he was in classes with kids six years older than he was. It wasn’t that she didn’t care if he made friends, she just cared more about him learning and not getting bored, and assumed everyone would see how sweet he really was. He never had the heart to tell her he had no friends and felt so alone sometimes. And really, by the time he would have talked to her about it, she was already too sick to do anything about it. 

Ethan and he had been friends long before they got to high school. But even back then they were competing with each other. Ethan changed a little when they got to high school though, mainly because he wanted to keep himself from getting beat up everyday. Which was fine with Spencer, he understood. They were friends, and Ethan would help him, but he couldn’t be his protector at school. They were both too young and too small to be protecting anyone. But at home, on their own street, they could be friends. There was no competition at home, because they both had bigger issues to concentrate on. 

_One night, Spencer had called Ethan, his hands shaking as he held the kitchen phone. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know where to go. His mother had passed out after two days of refusing to sleep or eat, and now, he was alone in the house. Alone with thoughts and feelings that scared him._

_“Hello?” He recognized his friend’s voice instantly and relaxed a little._

_“I don’t want to be alone.” Spencer whispered, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “I’m scared, Ethan.”_

_“I’ll be right over.”_

_Ethan did as he promised, he rode his bike down the street, dropping it in the Reids’ front lawn. Spencer met him at the door. At thirteen, Ethan was a good foot taller than Spencer. His hair was long and he had a more grown up looking face. Spencer was trapped in a child’s body, forced to be looked at like a nine year old even though his mind was years older._

_“What happened?” Ethan asked, stepping into the house and grabbing Spencer’s head to move him into the light so he could examine the bruise on his cheek and the split on his lip. “Your dad do this?”_

_“Ben.”_

_“I thought you two were friends?”_

_“Not any more.” Spencer shrugged, pulling away from Ethan and retreating into his house. “Dad’s not here.”_

_“Work?” Ethan knew the answer._

_Spencer made a face and whispered, “Sure.”_

_“Are you hungry?” Ethan asked, looking over his too young, too skinny, too tired friend. “I can make eggs or something.”_

_“I just want to sleep.” Spencer admitted. “Come with?”_

_“Lead the way.”_

_The two boys walked down the hall to Spencer’s room. Spencer went into the bathroom first and got ready for bed. As he looked over his face he sighed, he should put ice on it to keep the swelling down… did they have steak? Probably not, his father hadn’t had time to go shopping yet, and his mom hadn’t left the house in two weeks. They may have a bag of peas in the icebox, but he’d need those for dinner if his father didn’t come home with groceries soon._

_“Whatever.” Spencer sighed and continued getting ready. Leaving his shirt and shorts on the pile of laundry in the hall that he had yet to do._

_It was too hot to wear anything other than his boxers to bed, knowing that Ethan would sleep in only his boxers too gave Spencer a little more confidence to do so. While Ethan was getting ready, Spencer read a book that was on his nightstand. He usually kept the library books he got weekly there for easy access and comfort._

_Ethan walked back into Spencer’s room, turning on the small night light on the other side of the room before stripping to his boxers and climbing in bed with Spencer. They both lay there, spread out in Spencer’s twin bed. The room was hotter than Spencer liked, but it wasn’t too bad, nothing like it got when it was summer._

_“I don’t think my dad likes me very much.” Ethan whispered. “I think he likes my sister more.”_

_“Your sister isn’t smarter than him.”_

_“Yeah.” Ethan nodded. “He doesn’t like you very much either.”_

_“I know.” Spencer sighed. “My dad doesn’t either.”_

_“My mom loves you though.” Ethan nudged his elbow into Spencer’s ribs. “And your mom loves you.”_

_“Most of the time.”_

_Ethan sighed, running his hand down his face. “Do your parents hurt you?”_

_Spencer shrugged. “They don’t mean too.”_

_“Not even your dad?”_

_Spencer scrunched up his face, irritating the bruises and cuts, “Maybe.”_

_“I’m never going to be like them.” Ethan stated after a long pause. “I’ll never treat my kid like this.”_

_“Me neither.” Spencer said. “Not that I’ll have kids.”_

_Ethan sat up and looked at his younger friends. “You don’t want kids?”_

_“I do.” Spencer said then furrowed his eyebrows. “I think… maybe. I just doubt anyone will want to have kids with me.”_

_“You’ll find someone.” Ethan smiled and ruffled his hair. “We’re not going to be in high school forever, and you’re not going to be surrounded by people so much older than you forever. Just give it time.”_

_“Go to bed.” Spencer cut off the conversation. “You have a math test tomorrow.”_

“Mr. Reid?” A voice brought him out of his memories with a start. It was the agent who had been giving the lecture. He quickly looked around and noticed the room was empty. Everyone must have been dismissed and he didn’t hear it. 

“Sorry, Sir.” Reid mumbled as he gathered his things. “I must have zoned out.”

“You look a little pale, are you alright?” 

“I’m just a little sick, I’ll be fine.” Reid stood quickly, losing his balance as his vision dimmed a bit. When he recovered he smiled at the agent and said, “Great lecture, have a good night.” 

Morgan was waiting for him when he got out of the lecture. Reid was grateful he was there, he didn’t relish the thought of taking the metro home. He was already starting to feel nauseous, and didn’t want to puke on the train. Though, he didn’t like the idea of puking in Morgan’s care either. 

“How was class?” Morgan asked with a smirk. 

“Great, I learned nothing.” Reid quipped, quickly getting into the passenger seat, worried that he’d faint again if he didn’t sit down soon. 

“Sorry kid.” Morgan sighed, climbing into the driver’s seat and starting the car. “It sucks you have to do this.”

“It’s fine.” Reid shrugged. “What are we getting for dinner?”

“We’re going to meet up with the team, Garcia picked the place.” Morgan told him. “It’s probably some weird vegan place.”

“There will be something for you to eat, I’m sure Garcia wouldn’t let you starve.” Reid smirked. 

Morgan had his radio on, Reid recognized the artist from one of the albums Morgan had told him to listen to. He knew the words, and liked the song, so he mumbled along to the song. He could tell Morgan was impressed and also shocked, but he didn’t say anything, letting Reid decompress in peace as they drove. 

Once they were at dinner and their orders had been brought to the table, Morgan brought up their car ride. “He was rapping along with Nas, I swear!”

“I don’t see why you’re surprised.” JJ commented in the most nonchalant way she could. 

Morgan gaped at her, “You don’t?” 

“No. You mentioned the albums, and told him he was ignorant if he couldn’t quote-” JJ turned to Reid and asked, “What was it?”

“Illmatic.” Reid supplied.

“Right, you told him he was ignorant if he couldn’t quote Illmatic.” JJ continued. “He also had eidetic memory, and can talk faster than I can. So ya, I’m not surprised Spence can rap.”

“Do you sing?” Garcia asked directly to Reid. “Please tell me you sing.”

“Mostly lullabies.” Reid shrugged.

“To who?” Morgan asked with a smirk. “You got an insomniac girlfriend? Boyfriend with nightmares?”

“Uh… no?” Reid made a face and looked down at his plate. “I don’t really do it anymore, but I used to just sing to myself.”

Gideon’s heart broke at the young man’s words, and one look at Hotch told him they were both thinking the same thing. Reid didn’t have anyone to comfort him, and he didn’t know how to cope so he self soothed by singing himself lullabies. 

“Kid… I’m sorry-” Morgan started to apologize, alerting the older agents that he had figured that out as well. 

“It’s fine.” Reid gave a tight smile, that grew bigger when he put his hand on his stomach. “I have someone to sing to now.”

“Who?” Garcia nearly yelled. “Come on Junior G-Man! Don’t tease me like this.”

“I uh…” Reid looked up to Gideon before looking back down at his hands. “I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Я беременна - I am pregnant  
> Это ваше - It's yours  
> Я могу позаботиться о ребенке - I can take care of the baby
> 
> Thanks for reading! Sorry if I butchered the Russian. I try, but ya.


	3. Dinner

“Pregnant?” Morgan gaped at the young man.

“My Baby Genius is having a baby genius of his own!” Garcia cried, jumping up and rounding the table so she could properly hug her boy. 

“Spence!” JJ cheered, joining the hug and kissing his cheek. “How far along are you?” 

“Do you know if it’s a girl or boy?” Garcia questioned right after JJ. “Do you have any ideas for names? Who’s the other father? Do you need anything? Can I help? Do you have a OB? Are you and baby Reid healthy?”

“Garcia, give him a chance to answer.” JJ chuckled. 

“I uh… I’m not very far along.” Reid spoke slowly, eyes blinking rapidly as he avoided his co-workers’ gazes, “I’m not far enough along to know if it’s a girl or boy-”

“Spence, is something wrong?” JJ asked, kneeling next to her friend, attempting to make eye contact with him. 

Reid shook his head and glanced up to JJ, “You’re happy?”

“Yes!” JJ cheered, “are you?”

“Very much so.” Reid’s eyes finally met JJ’s and he smiled brightly. “I love him or her already.” 

Garcia cooed and hugged him tight again, placing a kiss on his cheek before sitting back down, “you’re going to be such a good Daddy!” 

The rest of dinner was filled with excited chatter about Reid’s pregnancy. Most of the chatter was from Garcia as she explained in tremendous detail her plans for everything from the baby shower, to the kid’s second birthday.

Though they were all excited, Hotch changed the subject when he noticed the youngest member getting overwhelmed, “Over the next few months we’re going to be working another team, mainly consulting via the phone, but we will be taking some trips as well.”

“Is this what Johnson called about?” JJ asked. 

Hotch nodded, “They got reports of three more organizations.”

“Organizations?” Reid asked, his mind already trying to piece together the puzzle. 

“We’re still waiting on clearance to join the case, but from what Johnson told me, there are multiple crime groups that operate under the title of organizations.” JJ waved her fork around as she explained, “ They act like a militarized cult with small units popping up in major cities all over.”

“How many so far?” Reid asked, looking to Hotch then back to JJ. 

She shrugged and took a bite of her food. 

“Johnson’s team is working with two other teams already.” Hotch told them, “We're also waiting for a team in Shanghai to respond.”

“Wait so this is international?” Garcia asked, turning to JJ, “All over? As in all over the world?” 

“Yep.” JJ nodded, “Johnson is a contact at Interpol.”

“It's enough of a threat that many world leaders have been notified and have military ops working with CIA, FBI, and Interpol.” Hotch said. 

“As well as others.” JJ added. “Amanda Johnson has been put in charge of coordinating everything. It’s her team’s case, but this is big. She’s covering all her bases.”

“We will be brought in to profile the organizations, leaders, and those arrested and suspected of being connected to it.” Hotch said, then turned to Gideon, “You and I are going to be training some new recruits.”

“Are they joining the team?” Reid asked, panic spiking as he thought of having to work with strangers. 

“No,” Hotch reassured, “They will be working with us and shadowing Gideon and I, but they have their own teams.”

“When do they get here?” Gideon asked. 

“Two weeks.” JJ supplied, knowing Hotch hadn’t paid attention to the timeline. “I’ll remind you, don’t worry.”

“Thank you.” 

After the meal ended and everyone went their separate ways, Reid stood awkwardly on the sidewalk. He didn’t follow Morgan as he walked to his car even though they had driven there together. Morgan hadn’t spoken to him since he announced he was pregnant. He actually hadn’t said much at all after that. 

“You coming?” Morgan called, turning back and walking to Reid when he noticed he wasn’t with him. “You feeling nauseous?”

“What?” Reid was confused, his mind was replaying dinner and trying to figure what he did wrong and he didn’t process the question. 

“We can hang here for a minute if you feel nauseous.” Morgan rephrased, “Or I could go in and ask the host for a trash bag or something, if you want to go home but feel like you’re going to be sick.”

“What?”

Morgan chuckled and put his hand on Reid’s shoulder, “How are you feeling?”

“Fine?”

Morgan nodded, “Let’s go.”

Reid followed as they walked slowly to Morgan’s car. He was still playing the dinner and now the conversation over and over in his head. He didn’t seem angry, maybe he was just uncomfortable, maybe it was the fact he hadn’t actually ever told Morgan he was bi. 

“Kid, you’re scaring me.” Morgan spoke after the too long stretch of silence. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you-” He didn’t know how he wanted to ask the question. “Upset with me?”

It was Morgan’s turn to be confused, “No, are you upset with me?”

“No!” Reid hurried to reassure his friend. “I just- you were very quiet during dinner, and I thought- I was worried I-this- I was worried that I made you uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” 

“You know, because I’m bi and pregnant and you didn’t know.” Reid tried to make himself smaller. “I- it’s okay if you’re mad, or don’t want to- it’s okay.”

“Don’t want to what?” Morgan knew he wouldn’t like what his friend was about to say. 

“Be my friend anymore, talk to me, work with me anymore.” Reid looked down at his hands that were resting in his lap. “I understand.”

Morgan’s heart clenched, “We’re going to wait to finish the conversation until we are at your place, I need to be able to concentrate, but I need you to know you are always going to be my friend.”

“Okay?” 

He could hear the doubt in his young friend’s voice but couldn’t do anything about it yet. So he drove on. They stayed silent the rest of the way, Reid’s eyes gazing out the window, his hand pressed to his stomach. Morgan watched him out of the corner of his eye, he was worried about the kid, he could see the panic getting worse as he drove. Luckily, they arrived at Reid’s apartment before he had a full blown panic attack. 

“Would you like to come in?” Reid asked softly, avoiding eye contact. 

Morgan agreed and followed the young man up the multiple stairs, “Does this place have an elevator?” 

Reid shook his head, “There’s a service elevator at the other end of the building, but it breaks down all the time.” 

“Later on,” Morgan rubbed the back of his neck, “when your ankles swell and you don’t feel like climbing all of these, my guest room is all yours.” 

Reid stopped for a moment and turned to look at his friend, “Thank you.” 

“I mean, the guest room is yours whenever you want it.” Morgan continued, “But I hope you’ll take my offer when you need it. The little one is always welcome as well.”

Reid smiled and continued walking. Their silence was less tense now and Morgan could feel his friend calming down and relaxing the closer they got to his front door. 

“It’s kinda messy.” Reid warned as he unlocked his door, “I was in the middle of packing some things into boxes when we got the case in Miami, and then after that-after we got back I fainted and then I found out I’m pregnant and I didn’t really have the energy or time to finish packing.”

“Don’t worry, you should see my place right now.” Morgan chuckled, “I’ve got two toilets in boxes just sitting in my living room.”

“New renovation?”

Morgan nodded, “Got a good deal on a bundle of properties.”

“A bundle?” Reid asked, quickly tidying up so they could sit at the table or on the couch without being surrounded by books, clothes, or papers. 

“A buddy of mine made plans with two contractors, they were each going to buy a property and fix up the house on it. But one of the contractors was killed, and the other one was arrested for murder, and my buddy doesn’t want anything to do with the properties now, so he gave me the three of them for the price of the one he owned.” Morgan said. 

“So one contractor killed the other?”

“Yep.” Morgan shook his head in disbelief, “Are you moving or something?”

“Oh, no.” Reid looked at the half packed boxes, “My… roommate is going to be out of town for a while and I’m just going to move some of his things into storage for him.”

“Want some help?” 

“No, it’s okay.” Reid looked around again, his smile falling as he thought about carrying all the boxes down the stairs. “I think I can manage on my own.”

“Here’s the thing, you don’t have to.” Morgan said, walking to where Reid was standing. “I’m going to sound a lot like JJ right now, but you’re not alone Spence. You don’t have to do everything by yourself, especially now that you’re having a baby.”

“It’s my-”

“You’re our friend, our family, okay? Families help each other out.” Morgan cut him off, “When my cousin, Vicky, was having her baby the whole family rallied together to help her. Her mom moved in with them, her sister moved to an apartment nearby. That kid didn’t spend a day in daycare. She was always with someone in the family when Vicky was at work.”

“Morgan, the closest-the only relative I have is my schizophrenic mother who is in a 24 hour care facility in Nevada.” 

“You have us.” Morgan insisted, “You have me, and JJ, and Garcia, and Hotch and Gideon, you have the team.”

“Morgan-”

“Spencer, you’re our family.” 

Reid was quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say and feeling as if he would cry if he tried to speak. He took a deep breath and wiped his damp eyes. He sniffled a little then composed himself. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Reid spoke as he moved to his ketch, “I can make some coffee or tea. I have some whiskey no one is going to drink, you can actually take that home with you if you’d like. I think I have some beer in the back of the fridge which you can have as well.”

“I’ll take some tea if you’re making it.” Morgan said with a smile. 

“I was going to make some anyway,” Reid nodded. “I’ve decided to give up as much caffeine as I can.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“It’s for the baby, so it doesn’t really matter.” He shrugged, busying himself with preparing the kettle. “I won’t be able to avoid it all together, caffeine occurs naturally in a lot of foods, chocolate being one of the major sources I will no doubt consume caffeine from. But I’ve decided to switch to tea instead of coffee.”

Morgan’s heart jumped when Reid turned to ask him what kind of tea he wanted, a red streak was forming below his nose. 

“Shit!” Morgan grabbed the closest towel and quickly pressed it to the younger man’s face, “Your nose.”

Reid grabbed Morgan’s wrist and brought it away from him so he could look at the towel that was now stained with blood, “Oh.”

“Let’s get you to the couch.” Morgan grabbed his arm and led him to the living room, “How’re you doing?”

“A little light headed, not gonna lie.” Reid admitted. 

Once he’s settled on the couch, Morgan kneeling in front of him, his hand resting on the younger man’s knee, he closes his eyes and just let’s his nose drip into the towel. His sight was dimming and the blood dripping down the back of his throat was threatening to bring his dinner back up. 

“Let me grab your coat, and turn off the stove and I’ll take you to the hospital.” Morgan spoke softly, “Should I call ahead? Or maybe call your OB?”

“I’m fine.” Reid shook his head, “It’s normal.”

“It is?”

“It’s common because of hormonal changes,” Reid pulled the towel away and wiped at his nose with a non bloody section. “It’s already stopping.”

The kettle started screaming, so Morgan went to turn off the stove and get them both a cup of tea. When he came back to the couch he saw Reid starting down at his shirt. There was a substantial amount of blood soaked into the nicer fabric. 

“Do you want me to grab you a new shirt?” Morgan asked. 

Reid shook his head and took a deep breath before raising to his feet. He grabbed Morgan’s arm to stable himself, it took a moment but after blinking a few times he smiled at the older man and walked off towards his bedroom. 

“Is there a game or anything that you want to watch?” Reid asked as he discarded his solid shirt. 

“You own a television?” Morgan teased.

“Yeah, it’s just hidden right now.” Reid called back, then added, “I think there’s some vodka and wine hidden too, you can have those.”

“I don’t want to take all your booze, you’re gonna need it once you can drink again.” He chuckled when he caught sight of Reid wearing his Yale sweats and an FBI Academy t-shirt. 

“It’s not mine anyway.” Reid shrugged, “And I’m not gonna let E have it back so any alcohol you find is yours, anything you don’t want is going to JJ.”

“Okay?” Morgan decided not to comment on the booze and who they belong to. “Do you own comfy clothes that you didn’t buy from a swag shop?”

Reid nodded, “These are the softest.”

Morgan waited until they were both sitting comfortably on the couch and sipping their tea, “Why were you so worried I was upset earlier?”

“You were quiet.” Reid shrugged, “You didn’t really speak at all after I announced I’m pregnant and you just stared at me for a minute before focusing on your plate.”

“I was surprised.” Morgan admitted, “But not upset. What about what you were saying in the car? You’d understand if I didn’t want to be your friend? What was that about?”

“Morgan-”

“Have I given you a reason to think I’m homophobic?”

“No! Not at all, I just… it’s me.” Reid sighed, “It’s hard to explain but I-in the past-I’ve learned from experience that people will react differently if you are closer to them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Someone can be fine with other people being queer because it doesn’t effect them, but as soon as their son… or friend, or coworker comes out they are upset and angry at the person.” Reid tried to explain. “I didn’t think you’d be that kind of person, but then you got quiet and I thought you were upset with me.”

“Never.” Morgan shook his head, “I’d never be upset with you for something like this. I’ll fight anyone who makes you feel bad about being bi, or getting pregnant, or dating a guy, or sleeping with men, okay? I’m here for you, Kid. Both of you.”

Reid smiled, resting one hand on his stomach, “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm making up a case lmao. it'll be a background plot and probs very very unrealistic and shit but ya. :)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :)


End file.
